Wondering of the "Dead-Ends"

It has been long...like 20 days long, when I last ventured into venting out something...and I thought, that is it...I carried through my resolution in January, and trust me, one month is pretty long enough...so after 6 weeks I can give up with that a post a week resolution for the year...but then coming here...counting the number of posts I have up for the year, "mann mein fir vishwas jaga...ummeed ki ek kiran nazar aayi...aur fir main...main chali aayi" ;)

Last couple of weeks...were definitely my busiest ones..and of course what can keep you busy other than job...so it was a little too challenging...but then, once it's done with...you kind of start feeling good of having done it (and of course you start feeling tooooo lazy to start working on new things :| well, very human..) 

There are days when you count every minute of the day...and then there are days that pass in blink of an eye...so while I do complain of getting bored and not having things to kill time, February, being as short as it is, did fly off for me...and now, well...things seem even more on fast track..specially with travelling on cards...hopefully this travel would all be good news (though I still can't motivate myself to be really upbeat about the travelling part...I seriously detest moving)

What happened to blog...took its toll on reading too...have been pretty slow on that front as well :( But no worries...to welcome the weekend, I had a huge Flipkart courier waiting for me when I returned home...between those books and my ebooks, it seems my time should be spent well :D :D (and hope that I find time enough to read all that I want to...which is kind of like asking for moon..)

Ab since I am back...so should my regular dose of philosophy be...haven't we all been in a situation, where we know that this is the limit of goodness and happiness we can get...that we never would have the right to demand more...and we kind of knowingly move ahead with it...resolving never to demand more...thinking that what we are being bestowed with, is more than what we can ask for...not willing to let go off that happiness in our lives...

And then haven't after a period of time (which is like few year for some people, few months for others...maybe few weeks or even days for someone as hasty and impossible as me), don't we just detest the fact that we want so much more, but it just won't be right to demand more...that whole turmoil of wishing for something, and knowing you shouldn't be wishing for it...you don't have a right to it, because right from the beginning you knew the limits you could go to....then passes few more weeks (or months, or years, or days, as applicable from individual to individual)...when the questions start at the back of your mind...why are you really doing this..if you are doing it, don't you deserve something more out of it...there you start wondering why aren't you getting back what you are giving from your end...and you tend to forget at times, this is what you bargained for...no one really asked you to go out of the way and start doing/ thinking/ feeling/ caring as much as you ended up doing...and just because you did, you don't have the right to demand the same from other end...

It's confusing...I know...but that's life...so yeah, with whatever little time I have after the craziness called work-space, I kind of tend to ponder over it...why do we tend to move on a path, knowing that it would meet a dead-end...and then when we reach that dead-end, we kind of shout unfair...we want to keep on moving ahead...we want a new road laid down, specially for us...and even when the smartest choice (a) then is to retrace the steps back and return, it takes us long, really long to convince ourselves that we really need to return (b), rather than waiting day in and day out to see a new way forward... 

(a) - Okie, accepted, had we been smart enough, we never would have walked on a path with dead end and not the destination on it..so common, we aren't smart enough to make the smartest choice...but having a li'l mercy, one can make the second smartest choice possible...

(b) - let's not get into the preachy mode of, one should build a path on reaching a dead end...it's philosophy, not a self help, do it yourself, dig in and make the way concept...there are few things, which are just beyond us...which depends more on the situation and people around us...so no, building the road ahead is not possible..I can start shoving the land...understand the analogy!!

And yeah, we crib...we complain...some of us walk back all the way to the point we started from (that's whenever we get into senses)...people like me wait for too long...and even when we walk back, it's like we are waiting for something to happen...some excuse to turn back and travel to that dead end again...with the hope that maybe the road ahead from that dead end has magically appeared...it's tough...really tough to let go..and it would be way too long (if not forever), before I'll learn how to do that...

PS: If none of the scribbling makes sense, don't worry..it's something wrong from my side, and nothing is wrong with your comprehension skills (duh!! you already know that...don't you? ) And as an excuse for myself, it happens...specially when you end up sleeping before you saw 10 on the clock...and found yourself up at 2, with the thoughts of how dumbly you forgot to send some mails that required to be sent ASAP (and it's too late already)...and you still can't help but make sure now that you remember, you do the work...looks like the rest of the night (if there is any left as per general conception of night), would be spent hoping to find my beauty sleep again...sighs...Life sure is tough!! :P