Am I the only one, or it keeps happening to all of us...that irresistible urge to speak out...to say out things you probably shouldn't be...to ask the questions, which aren't meant to be asked...
I personally hate mysteries...they attract you..you want to uncover them...but then there are situations when you are expected to behave like grown ups...and not question...being a grown up demands a maturity from you...the maturity to know what should be asked, and what should be...I detest that maturity...I would have prefer going back to being a kid...to simply ask...from anyone...without bothering about the consequences...without the fear of making a fool out of myself...without really wondering how the other person would perceive...
I loved the freedom that my nephew has...how easily he sat besides me while I was working...and simply said.."I want to talk to you...I need to know why you don't have kids yet?"...I'm sure only he can ask this..that innocently, that cutely...and though he can make me stop my work for the few moments...he even gives me the reason to reflect...but at least he has the freedom to ask aloud...not that he would really get true answer...not that I am looking for true answers...because I know, true answers are a rare thing in this world...but I could see he was at peace...he had said aloud what he wanted to...why don't I have that freedom any longer...why do I need to suffocate with my question, but not speak out aloud...
Growing up looked like so much fun...and not that I relent being a grown up...it does have its perks...but growing up has started meaning that my wings cannot really make me fly...I have the freedom to do as a I please...but all that I do would be evaluated...and hence, I really don't do what I might feel like doing...I manage my life in compartments...one separated from the other...because there is so much I'm expected to do, so much I am not expected to...I've to be someone for someone, I've to be someone else for the other...and do I get lose myself in these persona...do I really don't get a chance to speak what's in my mind...
I so want to ask a hundred question...I am holding back...for a day when they all would flood out...because no matter how much I grow...how soon I held on to maturity...there resides a child within...a child who wants to talk, without thinking about consequences...a child who wants to ask the questions, without really thinking if it really is right to ask...a child who wants the answers, even if they really aren't true...
