Attraction, it is!!

Ever wondered what keeps you waking at 4 in morning...yup, it being a Saturday night, no office the next day, no work pressure (though I still have a pending deliverable which I am trying to ignore as best as one possibly can :P ) I can't believe it's over 24 hours since I haven't opened the office laptop :D :D :D , though truth be told I've accessed my official mails 3 times in these 24 hours....

Anyways, other than weekend and work (which to be honest hasn't yet) what can keep you waking till 4...lots of thoughts definitely (thoughts that generally tend to b lot speculative, sad, depressing, ruining and what not....yuck!!! night is such a precious thing, and these thoughts are certainly not welcomed to ruin it, but then most of the time they do :( )....In my case a perfectly sweet novel can keep me awake too...n yeah, till an hour back or so, I actually was reading one and completing it in one sitting...nothing new in that though...

But there is more to it...unlike my usual cry stories (yeah yeah I sob a lot, even I know that :| ) or loads of gyaan and philosophy (though I'm sure I'm quickly going to switch to at least one of these two...) I am quiet happy tonight...and when you are happy, you should probably live in those moments...why waste them sleeping :D After all waise bhi, these days I rarely find myself all happy n cheerful...and the best part of the story is, it's without any reason...what more can a gal ask for than to b in an unreasonably happy mode (even when she has lots to worry about, and I won't even start counting items on that list...I'm determined to be happy for the moment, am I not using the word moment too often :-? )

So, question for the day (or night or whatever 4 in twilight time is) is...what exactly attraction is...I won't play with the definition of it, for a change, but then, I do have questions about it...do attractions make any sense....do they need to make any sense...is being attracted to something, to someone a good or a bad thing...and the most important of all; how is it that we get attracted to only few, most of it, most of it to probably things which we really don't think we ever can like...

Maybe attraction is just another word for insanity...for finding yourself do things you have no reason or excuse for doing...the only bottom line is; somewhere like love, you can't help what or who you get attracted to...and like you can't stop it from happening, you just can't make it happen too...it just happens, to give you a lil sweet thing to wonder about...and spend a night figuring out, how did it happen...that too when you had given up the hope of it happening again....just like falling in love, you probably get attracted when you are convinced it never is going to happen to you again (and I am saying this, just in hope of that the former would happen, now that the latter has happened :D )

And last but not the least (the truly philosophical part is going to come, so brace yourself!!) why am I excited that I am attracted...not because I believe I have found my true calling...or bcoz I have found a promise of a future (if I know myself well, I get bored of things as quickly as I used to get attracted to them...yeah it was me who loved embroidery and kind of excelled in all kind of stitches only to leave it since ages now, it was me who was crazy about making soft toys....me again who once loved dancing n has two left feet as of now, me who talks to a person hours at length for a day or two, only to find she doesn't want to talk to that person again, as she has nothing to say or listen to :P )

But then, of late, it has been so long since I really found something I looked forward to...life had become kind of boring and drag...and so I was so afraid that I've become an oldie (you can still stand firm in your belief that I sound like a granny, but I know I definitely am not one :) )...but I was quite convinced that nothing interests me anymore...and now, with the new found attraction, I am happy...I am all normal, convinced that I am still living, still looking forward for good new things in life..still open to experience, and best of all, I still can have a new beginning...So here to hope, faith, love, peace and last but not the least a new found belief (yup, this sentence is added for the pic I selected, just couldn't resist it :) from wherever I found it, it had the caption laws of attraction ;) )

But for the new morning I really need to call it night...and one way or other...really put myself to sleep...finally, for a while (with a hope that I get up in an equally good mood ) :) :)

A Penny on Happiness...

There are few words in life, and defining those words, takes an entire life...and most ironical of all this is, life itself happens to be one such word..love and happiness are few others...and since love is so talked and discussed about, come a less debated one...happiness..

I read a novel by Jodi Picoult a couple of months back...never bothered writing about it, because it happens to be a novel with an open end..you just won't know what to do with it..it grips you strong and then leaves you wandering for answers...like with most of Picoult's work, this one forces you take one side, the only catch being there is never a completely right or wrong side...

Anyways, it so happens that the dad of the main character in the novel happens to be an economist...and he has theorems and equations for a lot of intangibles..and maybe that's where economics gets an edge over maths and physics...it's easy to play with figures are reach out to a definite conclusion, but how does one ever reach to the conclusion for an emotion..how do you define a rule for something, which by virtue of it is random...

There is a particular line (out of quiet a few) in that novel that caught my fancy, "A mathematical formula for happiness:Reality divided by Expectations.There were two ways to be happy:improve your reality or lower your expectations."

It looks so simple...only if it truly was...for ir does give the formula, the underlying equation and it still doesn't tell you how to really achieve either of the two ways...if only improving the reality or lowering the expectation was even half as easy as it is to ask someone to do it...

Do we really start expecting more over the years...I really am baffled by the question...if I remember correctly (even with my failing presence of mind...) nothing much has changed in what I wanted as a 16 year old till date (yeah a gal is always stuck at sweet 16 :D ) Maybe what has changed is that slowly the reality sinks in...the reality that what looked easy enough to achieve once, slowly became possible to achieve if really dedicated, to its tough to get it but then dreams are always tough to achieve, to finally the inevitable end of, we see dreams because they are a good way to escape reality and dream rarely do come true...

The reality also probably never changes...it just sinks in more deep...or takes a new face...no one really knows which way it goes..

And yeah, though I accept that I am lil high on the cribbing scale, sometimes I really do wonder, how many of us, the people of our age, our times...are really happy...am I the odd one out, or is it normal to spend days in search of one true happy moment..A long lasting satisfaction and peace, now looks like a distant dream...there are miles before it happens, there are miles before I 'll b contend...

What would you choose?

A lil argument, a friendly banter...some accusations and lots of lectures...it all happened, and I landed up with an offline..an offline which had the the link to a video...and I was asked to make sure I watch it...whenever I find time..and I thought how long it takes to watch a video, clicked it as soon as I saw the link...it turned out to be a whooping an hour and quarter long video....

No ways can I watch that...watching that is like watching a movie..and well, when I can't read a self-help book, when I'm absolutely opposed to an idea of someone preaching me, how can I sit through a lecture...over an hour long lecture...but then I did see it...there are few people you pretend you won't listen to...but then even you know, when they no longer force you to do a thing, you would do it...so yeah I listened to this..."This" being the video...a video I had earlier heard about...the book associated with it being a best-seller I had read about...

And I am pretty glad that I did...just in case, you find as useless time as I do (which is the time I try my best to overlook/ignore/pretend there exists no office work :D ), try giving it a watch...as for the person who gave me this, you can be on cloud nine, that not only did I watch it, but am even giving it a publicity (though truly it doesn't need any more publicity...)

And being the cry baby I become at times, that I cry even while watching animated movies (and lets not get into that, I already have a complete blog dedicated to animations and my tears ;) ), I did end up with moist eyes and even tears at a couple of places (so much for that guy, read Randy, trying to b an idol and inspiration :P ) But then, this video raised a lot of questions...a lot of thoughts (none of them related to my childhood dreams..not till a couple of hours of watching it at least, after that, I did think of my dream of writing a novel...n if it is at all feasible or not :-| ) but in the end, I just ended up with a very debatable question (and me being me, has already debated about the two sides of it with a couple of close to me people :D )

The question being, "Isn't it better to know before hand that you have so n so few months left to live?" ... At least you have those months to be yourself....to cherish and do what you want to do...to be with the ones who truly matter...to really see yourself in true light and be honest about your feelings and choices...after all when you can count your life in months or days, you probably won't care about a future and do things you detest doing, for the sake of building a perfect future...isn't having a warning bell, that common you have done it all, now sit back and cherish whatever you have built till now for next few months before saying it all goodbye, a kind of gift...

I have heard both sides of it...people who agree that yes, knowing that you have a lil time left, is a precious gift of enjoying and living in those moments...and then there is the other side, knowing that you don't have a long time left, isn't every minute an agony of knowing that you have a minute less of being with the ones you love...you have a minute less of reaping the fruits of all the efforts you've put in across the year...isn't every moment a tiny death in itself...isn't a quick instant, unknown death better...but won't you regret missing the chance of telling the ones who meant the world to you, how special they were...or probably shouldn't we be more connected and honest with them and tell what we feel each n every day (and trust me, don't try doing that...you won't be taken seriously, in fact you would probably qualify yourself as a crack case :D )...

I don't know, probably this is the kind of question with, "who came first, hen or the chicken"...everyone might have a different feel and answer for this question with their own logical reasoning...and well, being a gemini, I probably don't have a straight-forward, one single answer for it...though at the moment, I am more inclined towards the "give me a few months notice" option...after all, truth be told, there is a lot I have to say (yeah a lot I still have unsaid even after talking endless day in n day out...n blogging too :P ), and then there are few people, I truly have taken for granted...I don't find words to even tell them what they mean and how I feel, I don't want things to suddenly end...not before I truly have the courage to tell them how important they always have been...and then of course there have been those very few (un)blessed ones, who are sick and tired of hearing how crazy I am about them, I really need to turn them insane with all my feelings before I finally let it go....

So I better get anything between 3 months to a year's warning...and till I don't get that, I guess I am going to be just me...totally moody, totally mysterious...talking a lot in thin air, and yeah, dreaming about, I don't know whether childhood or adolescent dream of, finally writing a book (and this is hoping that I would get enough time to write something in my warning period :D )

Time to finally shut myself up (for the time being), but in case you by chance (or are forced) to read this one...do give it a minute of your thoughts (because I know you can't b as vella or as busy ignoring work as me) and honestly pick your choice, if you had the option of knowing it or just not knowing it...which one would you have picked??

PS:- To the one who kind of forced me into seeing this, I know this isn't what you wanted me to think or in your words, learn from this video...but then as I've accepted n told you since a long as in really long time, we two are two totally different people...while you 'll b watching it for inspiration and to learn, to find ways to succeed in your career, I will somehow end up finding an emotional side in it...at least, the sides we would identify with would be inclined in opposite direction...but that's how it is, we have different priorities or outlook in life I guess...but that doesn't make respecting the other any difficult...or caring an harder...It's just that you happen to be one of the above mentioned (un)blessed one :P