Contrary to popular belief, it is easy to read a person's eyes...more so if the person is close to you...what is tough, is to gather the courage to look into the eyes of the one you care about...for you fear what you might see there...and then again, it is easy to listen to someone talk everything good...what is tough, is to believe them...
Being human, she chose the easy way...time and again hearing what he said...unable to truly believe in it...and she knew, she would know the truth if she looked in his eyes, but she just couldn't gather the courage to do the same...truth is good...and she respected him for being true...but hopes and dreams are necessary to live...she wanted to live...so she hoped for him to be wrong...she dreamed of changing his heart one day...
Logically, rather philosophically; for she was always great in philosophy...which human is not; she knew it's not right to demand someone to change...it's not even good for her own self to hope someone would change...how can they, when she could not...but then, where he was concerned, philosophy failed...logic never had a part to play...and she knew it was something beyond her...for once, she has to take a detour from her planned out, penned to perfection life...and take a risk...play a gamble, she was assured of losing since the very first day...but she still took the chance...she chose to wait for time to come...and hoped for him to change before the time comes..
She smiled, she laughed...not just to show...but the real ones...and she collected those memories...the time spent with him was precious...more so because it was running out...so fast that now, even when she was in his arms, she couldn't help but think of the night when she would no longer have the warmth around her...she knew it was time to make the distance...to slowly slip off his arms and get used to the vast space of the bed...but somehow she couldn't make herself do that...she couldn't stop her treacherous body of slipping a lil more close to him...of her arms cuddling him a lil closer....sometimes she felt like holding him so close, wrap him so tight, that they could no longer be distinguished as two different beings...how does she engulf him in her...or get lost inside him that no longer the two of them could be separated...
She ended up kissing his forehead softly...looking at him sleeping in peace...wondering if he ever had the thoughts on similar lines...wondering how he could sleep, while she is busy trying to find a way to stop the running time...or find a way to be together before the time runs out....it was easy to put the blame on him...accuse him of never really wanting a forever..wasn't the fairy tales ending in 'happily-ever-after' meant just for gals...but at times like this, she did wonder if she wasn't great enough to be actually coveted for life...was what they shared not precious enough to be fought for...and then she knew, it wasn't easy to fight...she wasn't sure if she was ready for the fight either....but then, she wasn't even ready to let go off him...and for sure, she had no idea which of the two paths would she choose, had the choice left to her...and a slow smile spreads on her lips...for she remembered, she had all the choices regarding them, a say in all that he and she shared, but this was one choice she wasn't offered...he had made clear of it way back...when the time comes to make this choices of fighting and fleeing, it would be his...
And while she was the one counting minutes till the time runs out...she couldn't help contemplating how he would make his choice...for isn't he the one who never first hand did hurt...not that she never cried in the relation...or whatever it is that they had...but it never was his intention....it was just because the two different individuals they were...the way one was too emotional...the way other lived in the moment...the way she thought about future...the way he was cool with all the present day brings with it...she couldn't help but wonder, how he would give her the first direct blow...how would he make the choice that could wreck her apart...how would he go about giving her that expected shock...would she really meant so little to him that he would do that in a minute...or would he finally fight for her because he felt something unlike he felt for anyone else till date...and maybe, oh no; for sure, his eyes held the answer to most of her questions...but, she didn't have the strength to face those answers....
She kissed his closed eyes softly before slowly settling back on his chest...kissing him soft, closing her eyes...if only he ever took two minutes to notice, why she couldn't bring herself to look in his eyes...why she is busy escaping his gaze whenever they were together during the day....did he ever wonder why she makes it a point to sleep after him....because in the darkness of night, when he is sleeping in oblivion with his eyes closed, is the only safe time for her to look at his face...and remember his picture for the years to come...the only way she could truly appreciate him and collect more memories to thrive on while avoiding the answers to her endless questions....for she chose to be happy...to live in the moment even when the future bothered her...to be with him till time came for it all to end...after all, love made her strong to play the gamble...but love made her weak to face the answers, not till she has a choice to escape from them...
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