Answers, she didn't wish to know...

Contrary to popular belief, it is easy to read a person's eyes...more so if the person is close to you...what is tough, is to gather the courage to look into the eyes of the one you care about...for you fear what you might see there...and then again, it is easy to listen to someone talk everything good...what is tough, is to believe them...

Being human, she chose the easy way...time and again hearing what he said...unable to truly believe in it...and she knew, she would know the truth if she looked in his eyes, but she just couldn't gather the courage to do the same...truth is good...and she respected him for being true...but hopes and dreams are necessary to live...she wanted to live...so she hoped for him to be wrong...she dreamed of changing his heart one day...

Logically, rather philosophically; for she was always great in philosophy...which human is not; she knew it's not right to demand someone to change...it's not even good for her own self to hope someone would change...how can they, when she could not...but then, where he was concerned, philosophy failed...logic never had a part to play...and she knew it was something beyond her...for once, she has to take a detour from her planned out, penned to perfection life...and take a risk...play a gamble, she was assured of losing since the very first day...but she still took the chance...she chose to wait for time to come...and hoped for him to change before the time comes..

She smiled, she laughed...not just to show...but the real ones...and she collected those memories...the time spent with him was precious...more so because it was running out...so fast that now, even when she was in his arms, she couldn't help but think of the night when she would no longer have the warmth around her...she knew it was time to make the distance...to slowly slip off his arms and get used to the vast space of the bed...but somehow she couldn't make herself do that...she couldn't stop her treacherous body of slipping a lil more close to him...of her arms cuddling him a lil closer....sometimes she felt like holding him so close, wrap him so tight, that they could no longer be distinguished as two different beings...how does she engulf him in her...or get lost inside him that no longer the two of them could be separated...

She ended up kissing his forehead softly...looking at him sleeping in peace...wondering if he ever had the thoughts on similar lines...wondering how he could sleep, while she is busy trying to find a way to stop the running time...or find a way to be together before the time runs out....it was easy to put the blame on him...accuse him of never really wanting a forever..wasn't the fairy tales ending in 'happily-ever-after' meant just for gals...but at times like this, she did wonder if she wasn't great enough to be actually coveted for life...was what they shared not precious enough to be fought for...and then she knew, it wasn't easy to fight...she wasn't sure if she was ready for the fight either....but then, she wasn't even ready to let go off him...and for sure, she had no idea which of the two paths would she choose, had the choice left to her...and a slow smile spreads on her lips...for she remembered, she had all the choices regarding them, a say in all that he and she shared, but this was one choice she wasn't offered...he had made clear of it way back...when the time comes to make this choices of fighting and fleeing, it would be his...

And while she was the one counting minutes till the time runs out...she couldn't help contemplating how he would make his choice...for isn't he the one who never first hand did hurt...not that she never cried in the relation...or whatever it is that they had...but it never was his intention....it was just because the two different individuals they were...the way one was too emotional...the way other lived in the moment...the way she thought about future...the way he was cool with all the present day brings with it...she couldn't help but wonder, how he would give her the first direct blow...how would he make the choice that could wreck her apart...how would he go about giving her that expected shock...would she really meant so little to him that he would do that in a minute...or would he finally fight for her because he felt something unlike he felt for anyone else till date...and maybe, oh no; for sure, his eyes held the answer to most of her questions...but, she didn't have the strength to face those answers....

She kissed his closed eyes softly before slowly settling back on his chest...kissing him soft, closing her eyes...if only he ever took two minutes to notice, why she couldn't bring herself to look in his eyes...why she is busy escaping his gaze whenever they were together during the day....did he ever wonder why she makes it a point to sleep after him....because in the darkness of night, when he is sleeping in oblivion with his eyes closed, is the only safe time for her to look at his face...and remember his picture for the years to come...the only way she could truly appreciate him and collect more memories to thrive on while avoiding the answers to her endless questions....for she chose to be happy...to live in the moment even when the future bothered her...to be with him till time came for it all to end...after all, love made her strong to play the gamble...but love made her weak to face the answers, not till she has a choice to escape from them...

The Perfect Mornings "They" Shared...

They never were morning persons...not until they started welcoming the mornings together...she was someone who found it easier to sleep at 6 in morning, rather than waking up at 6...he was the one who tried ending his day by 12, till before he met her...when you love someone, you don't try to change them, you start changing for them...and they both changed...for each other...

He made sure his night begins after hers...she ensured her days started before his...she had realized that mornings weren't all that bad...specially when they meant it was the beginning of one more day with him...and no, she wasn't afraid, that another day would mean she had a day less to spend with him...for she knew, she had him for her life...or eternity...whichever lasts longer...

Cuddled in his arms, feeling him from head to toe, she had welcomed countless mornings with him...it was a surreal feeling...watching the sunrise through their bedroom window...waking up that early in the morning, gave them hours to talk to each other...a time where the worldly troubles still were to wake...moments when they were fresh enough to talk about themselves...of every tiny li'l thing that mattered to them...those were the moments of plain, unadulterated joys..planning the evening ahead...giving words to the unspoken promises of the night before...having their fill of each other before they lost each other for the few waking working hours...

Life was too fast paced...days were demanding for both of them...but then, when you really want to live few moments, you take out time to create them...morning was their time..a time for togetherness...a time when the rising sun's light ensured brightness in their lives...when it was time to get up, and live the dreams they had weaved together at night in reality...

PS: Just had to write it...specially since, I woke up like around 5:45 in morning after ages (don't worry, I went back to sleep right away...because of two reasons...unlike her, I didn't have anyone to welcome the morning with...and somehow 5:45 in morning doesn't mean sunrise in Hyderabad...it was all dark looking out from the window) But for moments, before I went back to sleep, I did wonder, it must be something special to welcome mornings together as couples (even if its a Monday morning)...have a little time for each other before the matters of the world and jobs took over the day...who would enjoy the mornings better than 'they'...after all, night paves the way for morning...and after amazing nights in togetherness, mornings couldn't be anything less for 'them'...and it's a short one...well, because I slept within a couple of minutes (and hence couldn't go about imagining the finer intimate details ;) )

Their - The Wordless Unison

She was lying on his chest...her eyes closed...his heartbeats were so clear to her...it was a rhythm she had memorized by heart...those heartbeats were her personal lullabies...the melody that relaxed her as she slowly slipped into oblivion...sleep is supposedly rejuvenating for everyone, but she could bet, the few moments she was bestowed with before the sleep took over her, were the ones most precious to her...

Each night there was an unspoken effort to prolong those moments...secretly she tried to keep the sleep at bay as long as she could...and she knew such an effort, from her side, won't be appreciated by him...it was simple to understand...if she wanted to savor every moment of being close to him, wrapped in his arms...he wanted to see her sleeping in his arms...he secretly craved to see her oblivious to the world...sleeping without a care...him being her whole world...

It wasn't as if he had no idea what she felt, unless she was asleep....all the while she was awake he was aware of the love she had for him, or the trust she had put on him, of her every feeling, things she said, looks she gave...they said it all...but in all honesty, it was when she was asleep in his arms he felt her extreme level of belief in him...in her abandon at night, he could see her innocence...her face resting on his chest made his chest warm like nothing else could...her palm resting on his shoulder, made him believe she would always be beside him...holding on to him, for his life and hers...

It had been her fantasy....the whole idea of spending the night in the arms of a man...a man she could trust, a man who would have her completely...a man she can claim as solely hers...and that's all she had told him...no, in fact she had demanded him to wrap his arms around her...it feet so safe and secure...not that she feared being attacked, but she so wanted to feel wanted...feel precious...feel protected...

It made him feel special....someone wanting him, needing him around to find her sleep...it made him feel elated, he was what coming home meant to a special girl...if being in his arms made her feel special, it was because she was special...it was because she made him feel like he thought he never would...there is something beyond words which happens when you know someone looks up to you...you tend to give them the best you could...you try your best to be the person they believe you are...and then you realize, you truly are the person they thought you to be...it's not that you are putting an effort to be what they want...it is just that you enjoy being the person you are in their company...maybe that's what you always were, but never realized...

He felt her soft breaths on her chest...a soft smile spread on his lips...after countless nights spent together, he knew she is almost asleep...he knew she was losing another battle of hers to keep waking...he kissed her hairs softly, as he patted her arms softly...she feather kissed her chest before losing herself...it was time to travel...time to leave the beautiful reality they both had weaved together...to vivid colorful dreams...for they knew the dreams would come true....they both were already living in one...

Who says love needs words to be spoken out aloud...who says eyes speak it all...sometimes during the dark hours of night...all it takes is the tunes of heartbeats and the whisper of breaths to say it all...and it speaks louder than words....and is clearer than the sight of eyes...for it comes from the two hearts, who know each other..like they are one...

PS: I just couldn't find a pic serene and warm enough to put it on here (maybe I am looking out for a dream whose pics do not exist in reality...so after spending a time longer than it took to write the entire post, I finally gave up and settled down with the pair of legs...no pics came close to match the writer's imagination after all..)

Her Terrain of Thoughts...

Every so often she wonders, is she the odd one out...is the life of everyone as simple and yet as complicated as hers...a thought always wandered, was she living the life she preferred to live, or she was living a life she was expected to live...

For few life is a one time opportunity, to be exploited to the hilt...for few one time is too many, for her...she never knew...she loved it at one moment, she detested it the next...there was fun in seeing two sides of the coin..but that was a scary part too...only those who live in extreme of two emotions can understand what living in two parallel world is like...she was her best friend, and she was her worst enemy as well....

To wish for something, rather someone, and have that person, is the best present one can have...or she thought...but then stability never stayed forever, she knew...it just is a matter of chance and luck...which side you are on...the one who stays back...or the one who moves ahead...it's a game one plays life long..no matter what you are made to believe, it's a fact of life she realized...no two person can love each other, value each other in equal proportion...and you need not be lovers to fit in the equation, it holds true for all relations...be it siblings or parents or friends...there always is one giver and one taker...and in the end, it was her choice; which side she wanted to be in each case...

And choices are kind of ironical power bestowed on you...no matter what choices you make, there would always come a time when you would regret not choosing the other option you had...she had those regrets too..but how can she forget the happiness she had felt when she had made the choices she did...it was once again her choice, to cry over things that happened, or smile over all what she went through...for one thing she was sure, no matter how her life looked to an outsider, once she really gave an account of the real life she had lived, no one would be able to say she had lived a boring life...the only thing, she wasn't sure of, was...whether she wanted to share her life completely with someone...

Maybe she was too greedy for it....there is not much you can preserve from the world...you can't confine someone, you can never be sure that there exists a secret between two people...for things to be secret they have to remain within you...and the only thing she could keep away from everyone was a part of herself...it was only her she can truly have the satisfaction of knowing better than anyone else...or maybe she wanted someone to peel layers after layers of her...she was looking for someone who would take the pain and make the effort of knowing her, treasuring her, hating her...but all the same loving her, like she did...looking, not waiting...because over the time she had realized, waiting has been highly over-rated...you never know it, until you take chances...

PS: Just one of those moments, when I just need to write...a 15 minute break and self indulgence...maybe the after effects of a novel read...maybe I got lost in the 'She', 'He' and 'They' I once had created and never made a headway with...just had to get these thoughts on paper...or keypad in this case :)

She...

Pre-Script: Yet again, a completely different kind of attempt by me...just wanted to try something new...try not to read too much between the line...it's a lil of me, a lil of fiction, a lil of what I see around me...and I'll try to make this one short (oh trust me, that's one of the toughest thing for me to do :( ) Just giving theme based writing one more try, and playing with words myself :S

She came in this world as her brother's dream, his favorite person, as she was reminded for a good number of years...As she passed her birthdays, she loved hearing her grandma tell how much her father doted on her, her silly demands being orders for him....Her mom was probably the only disciplinary in her life, the only one who had a heart to refuse her whims and yet, her mom just wanted the best from her because mothers generally do know what their child is capable of...Blessed, she definitely was, for she had a sister who made sure she never felt odd in place, even if it meant her sister had to act like a child, ages younger than what her sister really was...She grew up reading stories that ended with "and they lived happily ever after..."

Life was simple, or maybe she was smart enough as a kid to treasure n remember only the pleasant incidents, or heck, maybe memories so distant usually turn themselves into a rosy picture...she knew she the preferred one, and she indeed made sure to get things her way...calling her spoiled might be unjust, but lil gals become more lovely, when they r just a lil willful too....like any other gal, she loved her dolls, they all had a pretty name....and years later, the pictures of those very dolls would remind her of her very first mean act...she regretted it as soon as she did, but she was scared not to admit it...yes, she was already growing up, even when she continued to love playing house and doctors....

Year passed on, time never stops; no matter how much one wishes....against all attempts, she did have to grow up....she saw a lot of what she never wanted to see, she got glimpses of her dreams come true...and then there were the days, when she realized that dreams are just dreams...she knew she would survive, she had what it takes to go on...and she did battle things which people probably never face in their entire life...she was strong, she was weak...she was normal and yet it seemed as if nothing around her had any semblance of normalcy..she was predictable and she could surprise the hell out of you with her unexpected behavior....she was an enigma, even to herself...she accepted she was humane, she was prone to error....knowingly-unknowingly, she was bound to hurt people...it stopped affecting her too much, she no longer spent sleepless night repenting for her deeds....

Her readings now ended on sad notes, they were full of complicated relations...no longer was life a game of black n white, it was grey all over....she loved her family they were always with her, somethings actually are forever...but then somewhere, somehow deep inside, the bonds were no longer so pure...she laughed, she cried, she actually did live...but somewhere down the years, her life was robbed of her...a part of her might have given up, but a chunk of her believed it's not over...there is a lot yet to come, and it would be a shame if she misses out on it...so there she sits, with a thousand thoughts in mind, a heart that has survived the winds of time, looking at the present with thoughts of future...yes she is a fighter, living life always has been a war for us...she would rebel, she would buckle, she would rule, she would kneel...but she knows, she has it in her to leave her identity in the world....

Yes, she has the child of yesteryears safe in her very core....for that's the childhood she wants to gift to the one of hers...she isn't extra-ordinary, she is you, if you truly look in the mirror....

Post-Script: I won't re-read what I've written, that never has been something I liked doing...I just hope it didn't come out as completely insane n insensible....and it didn't have a lot of "She" :P ...yeah I could have kept going on...at least doubled what I wrote...I'm sure I've missed a lot of her...but then she is beyond words...just something I noticed as I finished the piece, I haven't used any emoticons in the parts of her...and a post with so less of smilies (they being restricted to pre and post-script) is just another new to me :) . Do leave the thoughts on this one, if you have any...even criticism is welcome...that might be the only way you have to ensure that I keep my hands off from such stuff :)