iRead: Lilac House..which really isn't about the house but people who make home

The Lilac House: A Novel by Anita Nair
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It's one of the really hard book to review about...and though I am one of the worst critic for novel with loose ends...hanging neither here nor there and left to imagination (that too when you are just weaving those characters throughout the novel!!), I still will applaud the author for the way she wrote...a real break from the usual Indian writings...

Coming to the subject, the name is probably misleading...yes it starts with the lilac house; but that's not where it thrives and build on...in fact I don't know which story was the one that was the highlight...Mira's or Jak's...or Smriti's...it's a novel where you can't really hold anyone guilty (other than two characters I would say...Giri, I don't know what the author had so much against the lead woman's husband...portrayed him as a complete hopeless person ;) and then Nina...they lead guy's wife...you don't really have to show one half of a marriage to be wrong to depict that the second half was right...)

It's confusing at times...there are swarms of people...kind of a psychological study of lot of humans...what they think, why they behave the way they do...sometimes you wonder why did she actually include this character, but I appreciate the way she has tried to beautifully analyze and build each character..and then of course, there is a lot of time zone shift...without even telling you...people are suddenly in their past, then they are in future...and then you just don't know where they went...

All said and done, the story pulls you in...and it wasn't just the young girl, people my age would identify with, but it's even the turmoils of a wife, a mother, a woman (and let's not be biased, turmoils of the male species too) that would touch us...we might not comprehend them fully, for thankfully we aren't still that grown up, but we definitely would realize they are true...and even though the story is exaggerated at places, it holds you to it, and that, per me, is a definite win for an author...

A good read for women...not something to be completely avoided by men...and well, all I would say is, I hope there comes a sequel (though I highly doubt it)...for I just don't want to imagine a happy ending, but be convinced that the author actually did give them a happy ending...


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PS: Just checking how the feed directly from GoodReads work...not that I generally write this big reviews there...but once I did, I thought why not bring it here too...and as for ratings..there is no in between 3 and 4 in GoodReads...but here I can...so I say 3.65 (exploiting the freedom by not putting it as 3.75 :D )

The B'day Wish of being a Child Forever...

It was the birthday of the cutest, sweetest, coolest, without doubt naughtiest (and at times the most devilish) 7 year old gal I know of...and we kind of share the perfect love-hate relationship....probably she is the closes cue I have in understanding mom (the part where you love and really care, rather have all the motherly feelings in the world for, and still you can't help but end arguing, bickering, fighting and correcting them)...

And I know she has the best mother in the world...if the 7 year old teaches me how to be really happy and enjoy your birthday (not that I am a great learner/ follower...I still won't be able to gather even 10% of her excitement)...her mother showed me how much can you really plan for the kid you were threatening and warning just 24 hours back...

Some relations are probably just like that...you openly would hurt each other, say things you never really mean...in fact there would be time you probably would actually even feel that you mean each and every hurtful thing that you are saying....but dig a little deeper, and you will realize; you turned hurtful because you were hurt (not that it's a excuse good enough, but still, it does holds true)...

Feelings are always like that...unreasonable...you never can really justify what you feel, why you feel...it's just that you are in a particular mood, and you expect the world would go as per your mood...I still remember the time I used to really count the days to my b'day...I know the time I was super excited...I needed to have a new dress, I had to distribute chocolates in the class...I wanted the cake at 12...and when did it all slowly turn into wishing for a quiet b'day...planning a test to see who all remembers you b'day (as if you are Gandhi incarnated and very soon your b'day is going to be a national holiday...) 

There is a girl, who is growing up...and slowly turning into all that I probably have already turned into...in front of our eyes, she would one day become someone who knows everything in the world but has misplaced her innocence and childish zeal somewhere...and what's more, in all probability she is most probably actually looking forward to grow up (and that makes me again wonder, are b'days really the time to rejoice...each passing year is a little more of innocence lost, a little more of responsibilities piling in...some more of worldly tasks to do...and then again, how old are we, when we really realize that we should have never wished to grow old...)

I don't know what to gift you sweetie-pie...for I know all you can wish for at the moment would be yours (of course, a brother would still win over a pet dog in your demands....and we can't really gift you stars)....there is something I truly wish for now, though it can never be attained once lost...I just wish you the zest for life..I won't wish for you to grow up, I will just wish you retain the child in you as long as you really can... growing up is necessary to move ahead in the world, but staying a child within is even more necessary to have a life, full of smiles...

And I know, your maasi is saying something which would make absolute no sense to you...but one day it would (after all you might read this one fine day...given that you get the reading genes from your mom)...and that day won't be too far I feel...for I still remember the time when you were yet to come in our lives...when I had your mom completely for me (yup, I am a greedy girl..I loved having sort of two mothers ;) ) and I remember the tiny little you...I still remember making those diamonds from the hand...singing Twinkle-Twinkle a hundred time, just to ensure you get distracted and gulp down a little milk (you really haven't grown up from your habit of making it a real long task to ensure you are done with your food!!)...I remember the time you made your grand-parents a kid with you...I remember the time your nani really craved for you once you were gone back...I won't forget the 3 year old you taking classes of 7 year old lots...how would I ever forget the umpteen fights we always had (yeah, your mom still blames me of becoming a kid of your age with you...and somewhere I am thankful to you for making that happen...you wake up  the little kid, the devil one, in me...)...and I really can't wait for the day you actually come back here...forever (which is a long time, but isn't all that bad in India...you and I can fight way more often and I can gather lot of other things to remember!!)

I am not too good in saying things aloud...you aren't old enough (thankfully) to understand the complicated web of feelings...but if you ever do feel lonely; just remember, there are loads of people; who love you...a lot...and though the world would seem against you, you just have to thing of few, and they would be there!! Wishing you a real happy b'day...once in which, you don't really have to grow  up...but just have all the fun, and be treated like a princess...for you are one (or a pixie, if that's where your new interest lies...my fairy who now has wings ;) ) Happy B'day Dear!!

(PS: You actually have a personal right around you...and though you might not always love her, and I don't agree by her ways...she is probably the best gift you got 7 years back...an angel of a mom!! )

Quick Status Check...

And it's back to those days when time flies...oh, if it isn't very obvious; I am back home (and yes, haven't stepped out of home since last 80 hours, that's when I popped in as a surprise package for ma-pa...and well, surprises can be both happy n sad in any case ;) )

So yeah, it's almost 4 days since I am back...and I had taken two days leaves thinking to get few things in order at home before I get stuck with my day in and day out regular office routine...and well, time flew...I don't know what I did for the last four days (other than the but obvious, SLEEP)...for I definitely didn't turn up as a good daughter n made the day any special for mom (and such an angel she is, as per her, there is is nothing special as Mother's day...every day is her day...till the marketing people devised a day specially to increase their sales!! Then I had to be a fair daughter as well..pa was super sad reading the news that for an average 20 billion dollar spent for mother's day, only 11 billions are spent for father's day...I just had to show him that I love them both equally, so nothing special for either...not a good daughter I know...but I'll live in the khushfahmi of being a very good daughter!!)

That's how home-coming is for me...I step inside the home, and then it takes a lot of universal conspiracy to push me out of home...home is a parking slot from where my car refuses to take a reverse gear (talking of cars and gears, I need to get myself enrolled in some driving brush up classes...all in order to get a licence...and stop relying on dad for drop and pick up services from office....reminds me, I need to find a goodie good car as well for him; he might, but I don't trust myself with a new car :D )

So yup, looking from an eye of an outsider (or honestly, even mine) I kind of live a very closed, total homely life once at home..now that I have to go to office tomorrow, it again isn't something I am really looking forward to...but that would come in routine...other than that...well, let's see what makes me step out of the home before di turns up and I go on a real shopping spree (of late I have found something different, which I coined up as online-window-shopping)...but then di's yearly visit give us both ample of reasons to shop...and if nothing, this year, it seems like di n I are going to have a lot of time together alone (oh, I don't count the kids in our way...and jiju's can always be sidelined)...

Now that the prayers and counting days to come back home are over...I am gearing up to count the days till the lovely angel in disguise of devil (or the other way round) is ready to show up at home...and then again, I will find another count beginning...it's always good to have something to look forward to ;)

A quote...and lots of thoughts...

Was just going through few old notes and collections...and came across this one quote, no idea from where it came and who has coined it...just that it touched me (duh, being a gal, n that too a touchy one, it had to...why else would I find this one in one of my all time favorite quotes collection...)

And I never would say what love is...to me, something I said years back is the truest I know of love...it is inexplicable (and still we spend ages explaining it), beyond words (and yet we spend eternity trying to define it and put it in words) and unreasonable (still, if you love someone, you are expected to answer that person why on this earth you love him/ her)...but somewhere, I find myself agreeing to every word of this quotation...here it goes...

I won't say I know what love is for everyone, but I can tell what it is for me...

Love is knowing the worst about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than anyone else...

Love is trusting someone enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you have been ashamed of...

Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you....

Love is loving them....even when its the last thing you should do...

Just left me with a couple of thoughts...

- reading it, I don't think anyone of us can say love can happen just once..in fact, I don't even think, love needs to happen to only one person at a time...can't we confide with a couple of special ones..don't we know the bad parts of few people and still accept them with all our hearts...and one is definitely going to b in a very risky place if one finds comfort only in presence of a single person...love by itself, doesn't need to be with one...it's just the conventional way we start looking at love...

- once it happens, it just can't go...if it goes, it never was there...and truly, opposite of love, isn't hate...it's ignorance...and that never comes easy..

- I just ended up remembering few people (and a couple really special people) while reading the quotes...so yeah, I at least love a little too many :)

And love covers a lot of other expects...for example, I love the quote itself...not that I can confide in it, or get weak in my knees or trust it ;)