To A New Beginning....

Hopefully I'm all set...and ready to retire to the bed (very very hopefully I'll fall asleep too...after all I woke up at 8 today and have tried everything to ensure I keep my eyes open throughout the day, just in order to ensure an early night!! ) 

Tomorrow would mark the beginning of a new phase in life....the corporate journey...finally, after escaping for almost a good 24 yrs, work n job have captured me....maybe for a while, maybe forever...frankly speaking, I don't even know what to expect...and I don't want to have any expectations either...whatever it brings would hopefully be nice, better than all the phases I've witnessed till now (though I seriously doubt it...and I'll put my thoughts at rest because if I go on wondering about it, I would be setting up expectations :P )

The beginning has been of extremes...witnessed a slept off Hyderabad at 10-11 in night (a sight you never can find in case of Delhi..), then saw the Hyderabad of yester-years...the simplicity of life...one off shops, lil grocery places...and finally after 15 hours of stepping in Hyderabad, witnessed a completely different city...a city of calls and tall towered apartments...of all glitter, and in all probability a city which would wake even post 12....stepped in an amazing guest house...and then saw the hopeless dining services they have (in fact had a dinner I never would forget in my life...waiting can b such test of patience with good doses of humor put in ;) )

By the way, I don't know about the other guest houses where the new recruits have been set up at...but I can seriously confess that the company has earned quiet a few brownie loyalty points from me for putting in a place with wi-fi connectivity...though again, I hope that this 24X7 connectivity doesn't make sure that I'm up in night till 2-3 a.m. (like I always have in hostel and home)...and then either sleeping till 10 in morning or yawning whole day (coming to which, how does the sweet recruiters of mine expect the fresh bees like us, totally spoiled after 2 yrs of college (considering even people with work-ex), who are so used to miss the morning 9-10 am lectures to report at the venue at 8:30 a.m. ...sheer inhumanity...and to add to the woes they expect me to hold back my yawns for a 10 hours induction session they have :-o Nahi Ho Payega!!!)

And well this post...this is yet another of my on the run post...where I frankly have nothing to say, but just updating my life...as if I one day years henceforth, I would return and have a journey back through the old days...this is me signing off...and hoping for a gud 6 hours sleep (baaki main 10 hours mein se for sure 2-4 sote hue nikal doongi :P ) Adios!!!

PS: How I wish, I really had someone to clink the glass with!!!

Of Courage, Challenge & Checklist...

Yeah, haven't read any novel in the last 24 hours...just didn't feel like it (guess I've had an overdose of them n there would b nothing like completing 14 novels before being sucked in by the job!!) Actually I did read one page and back cover of a lot many novels, nothing really interested me at the moment (and definitely no more of teenage novel for a while, someone reminded me that I'm more like a grandma :D oh no, I should be sad about this one :( )

But while looking out for books (not for reading myself, but finding out few books which can work out as gifts..no luck yet, I would be grateful if someone actually can suggest me the absolutely giftable books :-? )I had a lil brush up with GoodReads (just for the review, which I never seek out for myself but need to while thinking about gifts..) and somewhere on it's homepage was a lil tiny miny link called Challenge...it was a target you had to challenge yourself...number of books you are planning to read...and though I felt like putting something like 50 out there, I stopped myself...common, taking a challenge needs a lot of courage...it's like making yourself susceptible to failing...and that's an absolute no no...at least for an adult (one more point why I should be sad about being called a granny X( )

Just makes me wonder, how n when did it happen...I remember a time when I used to be so vocal...I want to be so n so..I want to have this n that...I plan on becoming this...this is definitely going to happen in my future..back when I was a kid (don't you dare say it was centuries ago :-s ) I remember very openly telling everyone that I plan to marry my dad (thanks Ma...for letting me live ;) )...then there was the plan of becoming a doctor (just to clear, I was scared of blood even then, but damn, the docs look so smart!!), then there were plans to make movies...so much..and never did I once shy from telling it out in the public..then why is it that today, I hardly ever speak out about my dreams, fantasies...none of the ones I spoke of ages back succeeded but I still don't feel like a failure for them...but today, I am scared of confiding my plans to even myself, because I don't want to turn out to be a failure...I don't want people talking about me, saying "Hey!! Look at her...she planned on being so n so...she wanted to achieve this n that...and where she ended up!! " :-s :-s :-s 

That's one big peril of growing up...As you grow there is so much little you say (and dare anyone roll their eyes n wonder if this is what my little is, what my lot would be like...you are not even allowed to have any such thoughts...that's a complete me zone :D :D :D ) Growing up is supposed to make you stronger, and doesn't being stronger means having more courage...and if you are courageous, why be afraid of failures...( I know velle logon ko bahut velle khayal aate hain...bear them for another 10 days :P ) and with these thoughts, I thought (yup, again don't roll your eyes, I definitely can think X( ) why not try and show a lil courage and once again speak of few dreams out in open (phew...really courageous when you know that you very intelligently have let your family know of your blogs...doubly intelligent when you realize that every time they read a blog of yours they might be trying to find deep hidden meanings and never tell you what they found :-/ )

Anyways, I rarely do think of good things...and this idea looks good enough (and looks can be deceptive :| ) So before I change my thoughts, I better get going n put up a little checklist (of things I want to achieve or things I want in my future) and again, with time people change, their choices change..everything changes, so can the list (even if because of circumstances and not just because my mood changed..) But at present, here goes the list (and you are lucky that I am getting down to the list after just about 2 pages of random talking ;) ) They are some big big wishes, some crazy ones, some sweet and well, some devilish....

a. I want to own a Mac (and mind you, I said own, so it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to buy it... you can go ahead, gift it to me, and make my wish come true :D )

2. I want to pen down a book (can't be anything other than fictional novel, and even if it's about real people, you know me being as intelligent as I am, am going to call it fiction only!! ) and, very important and, that novel needs to get published...again an and, needs to sell at least like a 4 digit copy (main jyada nahi chahti :P :P )

c. I feel like, one day; I want have a doctorate... I mean common, I gave up my chance of being a doctor ( I seriously did it for the betterment of the society...imagine you being in an accident, have a tiny lil cut on ur finger...and you go to a doctor to get that checked...she looks at the cut, sees blood coming out of it...n behold...she faints...you won't like to call an ambulance to get the doc admitted rather than having your cut healed...would you??) the only other way I can have anything related to the doctorate thing is by doing a PhD..and though I have had too much of studies to be able to tolerate it anymore, I guess for some dreams, you got to toil...let's see if I ever am able to get a doctorate (this is one wish that can really really change any day :P )

4. I dream of experiencing a candle light dinner followed by a walk in the beach...I mean there definitely must be something great in it...why else would every movie (and now even every Ekta Kapoor, Rajan Shahi or any XYZ's serial) have it...kuch toh feel good factor hoga and I need to experience it...but then first thing first, for having any such thing, you need to have a person with whom you can have such thing...guess I should close down FB and GT rather start logging on to better places (being the sweet innocent soul I am...how am I to know any such better places...you can always suggest few ;)) )

e. I want my family to stay together...united..minus the tu-tu main-main (mmm..visualize something like Sasural Genda Phool!!) And well, I kind of always have been in a nuclear family...add to that, even after having two siblings, I somehow ended up being the only daughter ( di n bhaiya,  you have been pretty useless as far as being present for sibling rivalry and sharing is concerned...and I'm ready to forgive you guys just because you both have been great in giving me gifts (being an Indian bribery works for me...and I'm back to bracket ke ander bracket yay!!) ) So I just want to experience my family as the big joint family for at least a while...like a month or so (common we don't even have a family photograph with every family member in it, n it's not my mistake if a new one comes every second year :P )

6. I want a lifetime free supply of ChocoLava (or at least someone please ban it's rate hike!!) I've recently realized that I can even forgo the cheeseburst, but I absolutely, critically, necessarily can't resist ChocoLava (and my dear Dominoes, better remove the condition of a pizza must for home delivery...Chocolava alone should qualify as an order X( )

g. I want to have a successful career (duh!! so dumb...everyone wants that na!!) but it's like I've some big dreams (so big that I tend to keep on waking at night...aise bhayanak sapne ni dekhne chahiye :| ) Being the youngest of the lot, makes it kind of obvious, that you don't just have to be good...you kind of need to be better ( I know my parents believe that I've done very well...which to be honest I haven't..but well being the youngest they give me a lil partial treatment...and my siblings are more like my parents so there isn't anything like competition....but there are a plenty of role models for me between my parents and siblings)...I have either listened or seen the ones close to me have a very moderate start and making it to where they are today (which is nothing like having their names in headlines but they all r really well settled and at good places) and I don't want to be any different...

viii. (was bored of even two ways of numbering the list, so tried the third :D :D ) I want a happily ever after...and this one is for those who dared call me a granny...I'm still the chotu sa baccha who loves fairy tales...life I know is full of ups n downs (have had more than what I wanted..but well, that's how life is :-s ) and I'm fine with it (things you can't change are things you accept) but somewhere down the line, I want to see myself settled...with no major worries or uncertainty in life...having the answers to all the major challenges of life :)

nau. I want to have a blemish-free love story...and I am very compromising gal....I am ready for a love story even after marriage (of course with the guy I marry...don't you start having some wrong ideas :P ) but I'm just being realistic...24 yrs old, single, with a big list of eligibility criterion...it's tough finding a guy who would dare enough to have a love story with me...that too an everlasting...so I'm ready to let my parents capture a scapegoat, but he better works towards fulfilling this ambition of mine ;)

decade. Last but not the least...I'm not a very courageous person...so this one would be a coded wish...there is something, beyond this list which means a lot to me at present...somewhere a part of me is giving up on it...somethings are just not meant to be you know...but then there is a part of me which would hold on till it can...I just hope the latter part wins...and I wish I have what it takes to stand for it...to believe in it..and to be true in my efforts for it...

Now that was some list (crazy one I know...but that's exactly who I deep inside am...) Aur fir, kisi cheez ko bahut shiddat se maango, toh poori kayanat use dilane mein aapka saath deti hai na....taking law of nature and probability into account...at least 50% of the wishes should come true...and you guys being a part of kayanat  can always gear in n help making the wishes turn true!!

Filhaal at 3 in night...I so wish that the Gurgaon Electricity Board stops playing with me and turn the power on!!! (I need a 5 minute of modem on to post this blog and well, sign off all my account...so that when Pa logs in the morning, he doesn't sees all my accounts open n wishes to have a saner n more sensible daughter :P )

Post-Script: Gurgaon being Gurgaon...the light never showed up...not before ma was up and busy playing Freecell...sighs...so it's another 6-7 hours before tha public gets my torture :D :D :D

iReview: "Other Words for Love" by Lorraine Zago Rosenthal

Pre-Script: How I wish my arms were long enough to reach my back and I could pat myself...for a simple reason...it's the third book I'm finishing in as many days...that's the benefit of being at home...and I'm even more glad because I am reading, rather than watching the re-re-reruns of the serials on TV...Last but not the least, I am hopeful that one fine day, I actually will gather the skills of reviewing a book in the nice proper manner...but till then, I'll keep writing at least about the books which really touched me...Thirteen Reasons Why was one...and well Other Words for Love is yet another...

In fact these two books have made me wonder if I ever grew up...these are the books based on teen characters...and I'm like 5 b'days ahead already...but still...I can relate to them...I can feel what the character are feelings (okie never the suicidal part of the previous novel)...Either I'm stuck to being a teenager (And I will be happy...after all which sane gal wishes to age after 16?? ) or maybe we Indians experience at the age of 24 what gals of West experience when they are like 16-17...

Coming to the novel...It didn't have much of a back cover note kind of for me to determine if I would like  it or not...I didn't check the GoodReads rating before opening it (I guess the forgetful me always does it somewhere in between her reads)...just having the word "Love" in the novel is often an incentive enough for girls my age (or rather in teens lets say :P )...and the starting of the novel scared me...It was set in 1985 (I still wonder why?? maybe because the author didn't feel like using cell phones or internet chats :-/ ) and I never have been good with classics (yeah to me anything before the time I was born is a classic!!) 

To be honest, the starting few pages weren't all that encouraging...the only thing that kept me going was that the chapters were small, made you feel that you are making a good progress and the number of pages in the novel were less...added advantage :) And the author being a first timer (another common feature between this n previous novel) I actually never expected much...

So the story is about a 16 year old gal, generally referred as Ari (please don't ask me the complete name, it was complicated :P )...it's about her life, her family, her school, her friends, and of course her love life...what I loved in the novel is the fact that it revolves around just a handful of people, and every character has a depth to it..they are all well defined and shaded out...and well, the novel shows all the facets of love...casual love, affairs, love for someone who is dead, love for your child, love for the spouse, the dream of love and happily ever after...every character of the story is interesting as per me...and none has been comprised for the sake of highlighting Ari...

It's the story of Ari who never found acceptance in her peer group (though I don't know why...but let's just accept it she doesn't and it's not very hard to accept for me..) it has bits about Evelyn, Ari's sister who as per her mom failed in living up to the expectations...it has Evelyn's husband (who I don't know how come attracted so much female attention but eventually like for loving his wife)...it's about Ari's parents (her mother mostly...the father is not much mentioned but I loved a couple of scene between him n Ari towards the end...they sounded so real :| ) and then it's about two completely different friends of Ari...and finally about two guys in Ari's life...her dreams of settling down and happy ever after (and don't you dare ask me since when American gals think of settling down at the age of 18..yup the novel traces her from 16-19 about ...)

I won't go on saying how much I accept the ending, how much I don't...it's a person to person perspective..some would love it, some would hate it and some would just hope it could have had an open end...Goodbyes are never easy, and to some people like me, there never is a final goodbye...the novel has some really sweet moments (the ones a gal like me can absolutely fall in love with)..it has some real heart breaking moments...love isn't always about happiness and love doesn't always motivate you to move ahead...at times love leaves you crushed...and that's the time your stamina and strength is tested...again, I don't accept the part where Ari actually fell into what looked like an abyss...but then it's realistic...it probably is what generally happens and I am so thankful that the novel didn't end before getting things right (I wouldn't have stood by a second suicidal novel :| )

All in all, an amazing read...just keep the patience for the first 75 pages...take whatever the crap is happening as infatuation (and we know it actually happens!!)...after that it's a compelling read....

My Rating: Definitely a 4.5/5 ...this one deserves it...at least from all the young readers (yeah I like to call myself that and I'm sure lot many else would like to call themselves young too :P )

Post Script: I realized at the end of the novel that the writer is a psychiatrist...maybe that's hoe she understands and brings the emotions and feelings of every character so alive...I never felt an over-drive of emotions are a lil bit too much of melodrama...give it a read, whenever you get a chance... :)

iReview: Thirteen Reasons Why

Pre-Script: I found this book while I was randomly browsing a books catalog...the few lines in there were eye-catching...this novel promised to be different...how often do you find a novel about a girl who is dead...who in fact, ended her life...but not before leaving her last words, for people to listen....whether they wish, or not!! And trust me, when I found the novel, I thought I have found something uncommon...only to realize, after I finished reading, this novel has been a big hit..has a completely dedicated site to it and soon releasing as a movie (a fan made trailer) too!!

Suicide, has always been a topic which raises few eyebrows....no one really knows why people kill themselves, or at least we never understand...somewhere most of us, have thought about ending our lives...killing ourselves...but then, it's just a passing thought...the same way we think about bunking a class (and the useless ones like me, generally just think about it, never able to do it in reality :( ) or like we think that we should start this business venture...definitely, death isn't a pleasant thought...so in the end, none of us know (other than those who have had a failed suicide attempt) as to what was a reason so big enough that they finally got the strength to end it all..the debate of whether someone who has it in him/her to end their life is a person full of courage or is someone who just isn't brave enough to face life....

This novel, is just an attempt to understand what leads someone to decide they have had enough of life...and no, I'm not praising this novel for justifying a suicide...in fact this novel, in my eyes, is a wake up call...a wake up call that seemingly (un)popular gals, the ones who r hyped, the one who have a completely active social life, are hanging on to life by a very thin thread...a thread which can snap by ever so little incident...It's the story of Hannah Baker, a teenage gal who has recently killed herself....It's the story of Clay, a guy who loved her, but just didn't have the strength to confront her...it's a story about their school, their classmates and their teachers...

A chunk of it is difficult to relate to...simply because Indian environment is a lot different from the western school environment (at least I haven't had that school life :) )....but then, a lot of it is actually identifiable...the confusions, the gossips, issues of heart, dreams, hopes, the thin line between right and wrong, blames and parties....there is so much in this novel...seemingly small incidents, the ones we don't even realize are happening, leaves an ever-lasting impact in few lives...

One thing, this novel stresses is, a suicide isn't the result of one massive upturn of life...it's more often than not a series of lil events...and probably all it takes to avert a person on the verge of killing themselves is a supporting shoulder...someone who can listen, someone who can accept...but worst of all, generally the one who is about to end it all, rejects all the support which comes to them...because in their eyes, they aren't worth it...a suicide isn't about someone who blames the world of their miseries, it is more often about a person who blames themselves for the miseries of the world...

Coming to the novel's narrative...it's a dual narrative, which is handled very well...the italics for the girl's voice in tape...normal font for the listening guy's actions and thoughts....13 people who the girl thinks should know about her story, because they had a part to play in it...a couple of stories weren't the ones who warrant attention...somewhere I missed the parents of the gals...they were in-existent in the story (though the boy's mom turns up...n she in fact leaves a friendly presence...) But then, in the end, I don't think the gal could justify her decision to kill herself (somewhere I wanted to see her alive at the end of the novel...wanted that as a shocking event...but nah, guess it wouldn't have worked well for the novel :| ) 

And other than a couple of people who the gals take a stab at, I couldn't find a problem with the rest...what they did, is probably what all of us to at some point in life...it's nothing conscious, it's just the human nature...maybe in the end the novel tries to leave you with the question if you can actually help the ones who decide to end it all...it definitely motivates you to...but is in check with reality, that maybe you can't...you can't help the ones who can't handle life...who either take all the blame, or just pass all the blames to the rest before ending it up all...

Give it a read, because it's different...because (for the likes of me) it hasn't been long since you've lived that life yourself...or because the people around you, the ones who matter to you are living this life...read it, because a lot of it is identifiable...read it to understand how seemingly worthless actions of yours can alter someone's life (even if that someone happens to be a gal who can make a mountain out of a mole!!!)

My Score...well 4/5 (you gain it all for the concept and the narrative...but you lose one because, well I just couldn't accept that all that happened in Hannah's life was an excuse good enough to end life!!)

Post Script:- I hope everyone who ever has or will read this novel, 'll end up believing that they are stronger than Hannah...that they are better and more determined than Clay...because in the end, a suicide affects the people around the victim way more than the victim itself...just to ensure you sleep peacefully, make sure; everyone who matters, who is reachable...is happy and sane...

iReview: 'Never Look Away' by Linwood Barclay...

Back to a book review after long...not as if I didn't read books in between...did finish John Grisham's "The Confession" and even mid way through yet another by Jeffery Archer, "Prisoner of Birth" (midway because of project deadlines n then exams n definitely not bcoz there r issues with the book, I definitely 'll resume it one day :) )...but then I felt that maybe reviewing books isn't in my genes (I mean common, my blog is more of incoherent thoughts written down, how do I deal with something dealing in facts and reality :P )

But then this book, has been a lot of firsts for me...so this had to come to the blog...this is the first book I've read by the author (and I guess for a long time it's going to be the only one, because well...this one is claimed to be his best production till date...and why read other books by the other and ruin the impression you've about him :) ) ...

Then again this book is the first book I read a gist of in the recommended books section of ToI (they had it in the weekend planner of theirs on Friday...things to do over weekend...and how do I let them know that I finished the book they recommended in like 24 hours...and no other book in the list given by them excites me enough to start them....I need more nice recommendations!!!)

Another first in this book was, the way it's written...most of the novels I've read, has it all in a third person sense...there are characters, and those character's actions n thoughts are discussed...a complete impersonal way of writing (and well, I doubt, that's how I prefer it even now)...but this novel was different...it was all full of I, my mother, my father n so it goes on...reading a novel in the first person, was definitely a change; and probably the only way I really am not much fond of...I mean common, you are a author, the main character of the novel is a journalist, but still there is something more comfortable in talking about third person rather than the "I's" in the novel (or maybe just that I don't adapt to the changes well!!!  And it reminds me, most probably Chetan Bhagat writes the novels in first person...but then his novels r still believable, ones you can relate to...this novel is a pure fiction...and definitely not something I want to relate to ;) )

Coming back to the novel....it's written in the simplest of English you can think of (at one point of time it made me wonder if Barclay has some Indian connection!!!) and what's more interesting it, there were points in the novel where the author had used lines inside brackets (it felt so sweet, I can't express it in words...he keeps the faith alive in me that maybe one day...just one lucky day, I actually can pen a novel :D :D :D )

So the novel is a perfect storyline, in case Ekta Kapoor feels like making a thriller (common, even she is slowly, at snail's pace, moving away from the Saas-Bahu regime..) it has all the twists n turns in place...starting from the slow notes of the I (David Harwood), a journalist with a simple usual family (including a wife who has issues like every couple does, a naughty son, parents who are just like the typical parents) and has big ambitions about journalism....it starts up as a story about the guy who wants to find a story, curb corruption, bring the true picture of  the political set up in place...but well few pages down the book, as in real life, his personal issues starts shadowing his professional troubles...nothing is what it seemed...and he is left wondering if he even knows the identity  of the woman he was married to for 5 yrs, is the mother of his 4 yrs old a women capable of maternal instincts??

Starting from slow notes, a guy working on a news story, planning a family picnic...to the guy who lost his son, found him only to realize a missing wife, for whose murder he would be a suspect, a wife turned strangers...strangers who have a hand in the whole ordeal he is going through and strangers who would face the ordeal themselves...at one point of time, you might even feel there were a l ot too many characters in the novel...characters who really weren't needed...who didn't have a depth...they were there, maybe to increase the thickness of the book....

The book has its fun moments...the detective (Duckworth), mostly has nothing special in him to stand out from rest, but his lil personal side ( the way he sneaks sweets n high calorie food while investigating the case while his wife has put him on strict low carb diet, the way he feels the things aren't right when the clues keep pointing just one person, and so on) makes sure that he doesn't become one of the investigator we love to hate just because they r hell bent on framing the guy n get him behind bars...

It's a simple book...a make believe book, a book which can make u wonder do u really know a person u have lived with years...it goes to high profile sections n then comes back to day to day usual life...in the end it's just about common people with (thankfully) uncommon incidents...

Give this one a read, if you like thrillers...if you are into family reads...if you don't want a novel who keeps you on the edge with every page turn (at one point you may feel that the twists and turns are getting predictable...but even that's worth, because  you 'll continue reading just to find if you were right :) ) 

The best part about the book...you won't end up hating anyone...even the one person behind this whole commotion is bound to win over you by the end...this book, somewhere shows that we are a product of our upbringing....even the worst of us, the most inhumane of us, have feelings itched deep in us...and it's only when we are looked off, not cared for attended to, that brings the worst out in us...

For a happily ever after, for a family that stays together...for the love that grows and blossom year after year, there is just one way...."Never Look Away!!!"