Of Courage, Challenge & Checklist...

Yeah, haven't read any novel in the last 24 hours...just didn't feel like it (guess I've had an overdose of them n there would b nothing like completing 14 novels before being sucked in by the job!!) Actually I did read one page and back cover of a lot many novels, nothing really interested me at the moment (and definitely no more of teenage novel for a while, someone reminded me that I'm more like a grandma :D oh no, I should be sad about this one :( )

But while looking out for books (not for reading myself, but finding out few books which can work out as gifts..no luck yet, I would be grateful if someone actually can suggest me the absolutely giftable books :-? )I had a lil brush up with GoodReads (just for the review, which I never seek out for myself but need to while thinking about gifts..) and somewhere on it's homepage was a lil tiny miny link called Challenge...it was a target you had to challenge yourself...number of books you are planning to read...and though I felt like putting something like 50 out there, I stopped myself...common, taking a challenge needs a lot of courage...it's like making yourself susceptible to failing...and that's an absolute no no...at least for an adult (one more point why I should be sad about being called a granny X( )

Just makes me wonder, how n when did it happen...I remember a time when I used to be so vocal...I want to be so n so..I want to have this n that...I plan on becoming this...this is definitely going to happen in my future..back when I was a kid (don't you dare say it was centuries ago :-s ) I remember very openly telling everyone that I plan to marry my dad (thanks Ma...for letting me live ;) )...then there was the plan of becoming a doctor (just to clear, I was scared of blood even then, but damn, the docs look so smart!!), then there were plans to make movies...so much..and never did I once shy from telling it out in the public..then why is it that today, I hardly ever speak out about my dreams, fantasies...none of the ones I spoke of ages back succeeded but I still don't feel like a failure for them...but today, I am scared of confiding my plans to even myself, because I don't want to turn out to be a failure...I don't want people talking about me, saying "Hey!! Look at her...she planned on being so n so...she wanted to achieve this n that...and where she ended up!! " :-s :-s :-s 

That's one big peril of growing up...As you grow there is so much little you say (and dare anyone roll their eyes n wonder if this is what my little is, what my lot would be like...you are not even allowed to have any such thoughts...that's a complete me zone :D :D :D ) Growing up is supposed to make you stronger, and doesn't being stronger means having more courage...and if you are courageous, why be afraid of failures...( I know velle logon ko bahut velle khayal aate hain...bear them for another 10 days :P ) and with these thoughts, I thought (yup, again don't roll your eyes, I definitely can think X( ) why not try and show a lil courage and once again speak of few dreams out in open (phew...really courageous when you know that you very intelligently have let your family know of your blogs...doubly intelligent when you realize that every time they read a blog of yours they might be trying to find deep hidden meanings and never tell you what they found :-/ )

Anyways, I rarely do think of good things...and this idea looks good enough (and looks can be deceptive :| ) So before I change my thoughts, I better get going n put up a little checklist (of things I want to achieve or things I want in my future) and again, with time people change, their choices change..everything changes, so can the list (even if because of circumstances and not just because my mood changed..) But at present, here goes the list (and you are lucky that I am getting down to the list after just about 2 pages of random talking ;) ) They are some big big wishes, some crazy ones, some sweet and well, some devilish....

a. I want to own a Mac (and mind you, I said own, so it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to buy it... you can go ahead, gift it to me, and make my wish come true :D )

2. I want to pen down a book (can't be anything other than fictional novel, and even if it's about real people, you know me being as intelligent as I am, am going to call it fiction only!! ) and, very important and, that novel needs to get published...again an and, needs to sell at least like a 4 digit copy (main jyada nahi chahti :P :P )

c. I feel like, one day; I want have a doctorate... I mean common, I gave up my chance of being a doctor ( I seriously did it for the betterment of the society...imagine you being in an accident, have a tiny lil cut on ur finger...and you go to a doctor to get that checked...she looks at the cut, sees blood coming out of it...n behold...she faints...you won't like to call an ambulance to get the doc admitted rather than having your cut healed...would you??) the only other way I can have anything related to the doctorate thing is by doing a PhD..and though I have had too much of studies to be able to tolerate it anymore, I guess for some dreams, you got to toil...let's see if I ever am able to get a doctorate (this is one wish that can really really change any day :P )

4. I dream of experiencing a candle light dinner followed by a walk in the beach...I mean there definitely must be something great in it...why else would every movie (and now even every Ekta Kapoor, Rajan Shahi or any XYZ's serial) have it...kuch toh feel good factor hoga and I need to experience it...but then first thing first, for having any such thing, you need to have a person with whom you can have such thing...guess I should close down FB and GT rather start logging on to better places (being the sweet innocent soul I am...how am I to know any such better places...you can always suggest few ;)) )

e. I want my family to stay together...united..minus the tu-tu main-main (mmm..visualize something like Sasural Genda Phool!!) And well, I kind of always have been in a nuclear family...add to that, even after having two siblings, I somehow ended up being the only daughter ( di n bhaiya,  you have been pretty useless as far as being present for sibling rivalry and sharing is concerned...and I'm ready to forgive you guys just because you both have been great in giving me gifts (being an Indian bribery works for me...and I'm back to bracket ke ander bracket yay!!) ) So I just want to experience my family as the big joint family for at least a while...like a month or so (common we don't even have a family photograph with every family member in it, n it's not my mistake if a new one comes every second year :P )

6. I want a lifetime free supply of ChocoLava (or at least someone please ban it's rate hike!!) I've recently realized that I can even forgo the cheeseburst, but I absolutely, critically, necessarily can't resist ChocoLava (and my dear Dominoes, better remove the condition of a pizza must for home delivery...Chocolava alone should qualify as an order X( )

g. I want to have a successful career (duh!! so dumb...everyone wants that na!!) but it's like I've some big dreams (so big that I tend to keep on waking at night...aise bhayanak sapne ni dekhne chahiye :| ) Being the youngest of the lot, makes it kind of obvious, that you don't just have to be good...you kind of need to be better ( I know my parents believe that I've done very well...which to be honest I haven't..but well being the youngest they give me a lil partial treatment...and my siblings are more like my parents so there isn't anything like competition....but there are a plenty of role models for me between my parents and siblings)...I have either listened or seen the ones close to me have a very moderate start and making it to where they are today (which is nothing like having their names in headlines but they all r really well settled and at good places) and I don't want to be any different...

viii. (was bored of even two ways of numbering the list, so tried the third :D :D ) I want a happily ever after...and this one is for those who dared call me a granny...I'm still the chotu sa baccha who loves fairy tales...life I know is full of ups n downs (have had more than what I wanted..but well, that's how life is :-s ) and I'm fine with it (things you can't change are things you accept) but somewhere down the line, I want to see myself settled...with no major worries or uncertainty in life...having the answers to all the major challenges of life :)

nau. I want to have a blemish-free love story...and I am very compromising gal....I am ready for a love story even after marriage (of course with the guy I marry...don't you start having some wrong ideas :P ) but I'm just being realistic...24 yrs old, single, with a big list of eligibility criterion...it's tough finding a guy who would dare enough to have a love story with me...that too an everlasting...so I'm ready to let my parents capture a scapegoat, but he better works towards fulfilling this ambition of mine ;)

decade. Last but not the least...I'm not a very courageous person...so this one would be a coded wish...there is something, beyond this list which means a lot to me at present...somewhere a part of me is giving up on it...somethings are just not meant to be you know...but then there is a part of me which would hold on till it can...I just hope the latter part wins...and I wish I have what it takes to stand for it...to believe in it..and to be true in my efforts for it...

Now that was some list (crazy one I know...but that's exactly who I deep inside am...) Aur fir, kisi cheez ko bahut shiddat se maango, toh poori kayanat use dilane mein aapka saath deti hai na....taking law of nature and probability into account...at least 50% of the wishes should come true...and you guys being a part of kayanat  can always gear in n help making the wishes turn true!!

Filhaal at 3 in night...I so wish that the Gurgaon Electricity Board stops playing with me and turn the power on!!! (I need a 5 minute of modem on to post this blog and well, sign off all my account...so that when Pa logs in the morning, he doesn't sees all my accounts open n wishes to have a saner n more sensible daughter :P )

Post-Script: Gurgaon being Gurgaon...the light never showed up...not before ma was up and busy playing Freecell...sighs...so it's another 6-7 hours before tha public gets my torture :D :D :D