Her Terrain of Thoughts...

Every so often she wonders, is she the odd one out...is the life of everyone as simple and yet as complicated as hers...a thought always wandered, was she living the life she preferred to live, or she was living a life she was expected to live...

For few life is a one time opportunity, to be exploited to the hilt...for few one time is too many, for her...she never knew...she loved it at one moment, she detested it the next...there was fun in seeing two sides of the coin..but that was a scary part too...only those who live in extreme of two emotions can understand what living in two parallel world is like...she was her best friend, and she was her worst enemy as well....

To wish for something, rather someone, and have that person, is the best present one can have...or she thought...but then stability never stayed forever, she knew...it just is a matter of chance and luck...which side you are on...the one who stays back...or the one who moves ahead...it's a game one plays life long..no matter what you are made to believe, it's a fact of life she realized...no two person can love each other, value each other in equal proportion...and you need not be lovers to fit in the equation, it holds true for all relations...be it siblings or parents or friends...there always is one giver and one taker...and in the end, it was her choice; which side she wanted to be in each case...

And choices are kind of ironical power bestowed on you...no matter what choices you make, there would always come a time when you would regret not choosing the other option you had...she had those regrets too..but how can she forget the happiness she had felt when she had made the choices she did...it was once again her choice, to cry over things that happened, or smile over all what she went through...for one thing she was sure, no matter how her life looked to an outsider, once she really gave an account of the real life she had lived, no one would be able to say she had lived a boring life...the only thing, she wasn't sure of, was...whether she wanted to share her life completely with someone...

Maybe she was too greedy for it....there is not much you can preserve from the world...you can't confine someone, you can never be sure that there exists a secret between two people...for things to be secret they have to remain within you...and the only thing she could keep away from everyone was a part of herself...it was only her she can truly have the satisfaction of knowing better than anyone else...or maybe she wanted someone to peel layers after layers of her...she was looking for someone who would take the pain and make the effort of knowing her, treasuring her, hating her...but all the same loving her, like she did...looking, not waiting...because over the time she had realized, waiting has been highly over-rated...you never know it, until you take chances...

PS: Just one of those moments, when I just need to write...a 15 minute break and self indulgence...maybe the after effects of a novel read...maybe I got lost in the 'She', 'He' and 'They' I once had created and never made a headway with...just had to get these thoughts on paper...or keypad in this case :)

New Year...A Perfect Excuse...

Another year rolls by...and last night, when I changed into my philosophical gears, I asked a simple (you know it can never be simple coming from me :P ) question from the poor soul who was accidentally talking to me that time...

"Why do we make such a big hue and cry for welcoming a new year...specially when about 364 days down the line, we would be more than happy to get rid of it...looking forward for the next year...and does it hold true only for years, or is this something generic...we wait, anticipate and look forward to something...and very quiet often a few days down the line, don't we wait to get rid of them?? "

It's a night for celebrations, I understand...those who love partying keep finding one or the other reason for that (on that note, those who kind of love going back home and spend days with nothing to do, too wait for excuses to do that, me being the perfect example..) And nothing wrong in it....after all, finding little happiness here and there is what life is all about (there I am, back in the philosophical shoes :D )

But then again, to me (would be sounding like the old granny I always do) a change in the year isn't all that important...what is important to me is an excuse to reach out to people I should reach out quiet often to..and it's a sad sorry story when you need excuses to talk to people, excuses to disturb their busy schedules...then again, life is that ironical...so yeah, even if 1/1/2012 doesn't hold a special place in my heart, I am going to use that as an opportunity to pop into some lives..anything that brings on a smile, or gives you opportunity to do, what you want to do, is to be cherished...

So frankly, I don't know if I would cherish 2012 (how I had such big dreams from 2011 and for sure spent more than half the year cribbing and complaining...a year back I didn't feel like going back to hostel...a year hence I don't want to be back to office...the places change, I remain the same ;)  Given up on me, for I can't change :P ), but I do know, I will cherish the first of Jan (and hope the second never comes, got to fly back...sighs I counted hours for coming to home...now I can count hours left at home...something less than 40..sighs...sighs...and a few more sighs :| ) and though I don't keep much of hope on 2012 (yeah I don't change, but I am still hopeful that I do learn) but behind my back I will have my fingers crossed, hoping that the year would be a little different...the year would be one I won't be happy to see roll by...

And if nothing else, this year better give me some good incidents to share after a year, so that I don't have to come up with yet another melodramatic, borderline cribbing, and definitely philosophical post next year around...As for resolution, none...I have learned I can't keep any, and I no longer wish to be a fool to make any...

Wishing everyone a prosperous new year...a year which turns all the hopes and dreams true (few though would break...the one I can think of immediately is of the believers of the Mayan Calendar...let's wait for December, next year ;) )