A Perfectly Imperfect Life...

I am back...pretty too early even by my most active season standards...actually at home..bunking classes (for the first time, without any reason, since I joined the thou so holy Indian Institute of Technology :-| ) and truly, don't have pretty much anything to do...(other than the job of changing everyday, but that just happens, I don't have to put in even the tiniest bit of conscious efforts in it :D ) and surprisingly, I am in a good mood (have left few disturbing things to God for the time being...does help for a while in any case, as evident :) )

So all in all, a perfect moment to keep on blabbering...pour in all that I feel like...for I can b sure I won't b too sad, too bitter, too cribbing or even too melancholic...sometimes I wonder...why do I blog..common, I actually don't have a purpose...nor do I post anything that might be relevant to anyone or help...but then again I readily acknowledge, I can't serve to all those greater purpose in lie kind of things...chotu sa baccha hoon...chotu se kaam karta hoon...

Just so happened that I was venturing out in the balcony of my room at home...and Voila...I got some food for thoughts (not that I ever do need to think anything...I always keep finding sumthin to feed to my thought process..but then finding things not related to my lie r a lil tough...) But before I talk about what happened today, lets go to flashbacks....

I was like 5-6 sumthing...an absolutely pampered darling of the house...all comfy n what not...what made me uncomfortable was seeing someone suffer...n no, I am no Mother Teresa re-incarnated...I can't say that I actually went out of my ways to help someone or stuff...but I couldn't bear looking at a dog with a broken limb...or a gal my age walking in shabby torn clothes..asking for food...I'm not proud of myself..but I always turned away my glance...I refused to look at them...I didn't have that strength...

That time, I can make an excuse, I wasn't old enough to help them...but then again, I am no different today...I still don't really make an effort to do anything about things I can cry for...I still prefer to ignore lil kids asking for money down in trains, in front of temples...somewhere, it was imbibed in me, never to give alms...I can pass on some food packet...a couple of biscuits...but I can't ever take the money out for them, it has some logics, I would better not speak out on...and then again, I still can't prong myself to care for a hurt animal...no excuses made on this one...

But just standing out in the balcony, made me wonder a lot many thing...I was standing on first floor of a bunglow...on one side of me was a well renowned apartment building...who's price runs into crores...on the other side were the under construction mall buildings...which in a couple of years would be all lighted and glam'ed up...in front of me was a supposedly modest authority allotted flats...but right ahead of them, infact between those 'still modest flat' and my building was the area which people like me tend to look away from...there were those small huts of tin and plaster...which were covered with plastics n torn clothes to ensure, unsuccessfully, that those who inhabit them r a lil safe from the cold winter winds...there were more people in every single those houses than the number of people at my home, each room of which is definitely bigger than those houses...

And what did strike me even more strongly were the kids of those homes...they were running across on that dusty 'kucchi' road...they were happy...their smiles genuine...I did click a couple of pics with my iPhone...and trust me, that time I detested that state of art gadget in my hand...that gadget was worth lots n lots more than a small old bicycle with those kids...and yet, it couldn't make me have a carefree smile...yup, I was jealous of them...for the people in the places v tend to leave unnoticed, looked happier n more content than me...it just wasn't done...

Somewhere, I crib, life hasn't been fair to me...somewhere I make everyone agree that I've lost way way more than what a 20 year old gal should have ever lost...but looking at them, I just felt one thing...I have much more than what the people right in front of me have...and I am still busy complaining because I have started taking things for granted...life has almost become a run for comforts...a journey to pursue unending wishes...nothing ever is going to be enough for me...and no, I won't live from those who were in front of my eyes...because I know, I always will have just one more last wish making me slog, cry, plead, work for it...but yes, I definitely would try not to look away from things I can't bear looking...for they hold in them the power I lack...they do make realize that I am blessed...to sit back for a moment and that for all the lovely things I have been bestowed with...

I definitely don't have everything I want...I know I'm not the favorite child of whoever writes the story of our lives...I know there are people with a much better life than me, even the picture perfect kind of life...but then again, I know I've much more than what I'll ever need...I am definitely a pampered child of my family....I have had my share of woes, but I never was left alone in the worst of time...and yes, not the most, but I still am blessed :) I do have a perfectly imperfect life......